Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Dear God...I really dunno what to do already. I'm on the verge of giving up. Or maybe, I already have. I'm sad, I want to cry.God, I have a problem I'm going to share with you. I feel my two friends are drifting away from me. Or maybe they already have. I dunno. Only you know, God.God, you know who I'm talking about. I just dunt fit in their clique, the two of them are so close... So close I cant get in... Even though they are friends to me, but they're becoming mere aquaintainces... Just aquaintainces... Maybe Mummy is right. A group of three will never be that close, cos ideal friendship is only two. Three's a crowd. So one of the group of three will have to back out of that friendship, no matter how important it is to him/her. In my case, it's me.God, I've been enduring it for so long already. Covering up for them, helping them, whatever. They dunt see it. They just dunt! They just treat me like someone who can work and do hard labour for you, yet still be on VERY good terms with you. I'm not a maid. I'm not a slave. So stop treating me like one.God, I'm tired. Tired of continuing this kind of thing. Whenever they say something bad, even though I laugh along with them, inside, they have just pierced another knife into my heart. I really cant take it anymore. I'm tired. My heart has no more space left for them to pierce anymore.God, yet I thank you for this kind of test. I know it is for my good, whatever you do is for my good. But sometimes, God, I feel like I'm going to fall. I feel like... I dunno. I'm scared. Scared that my heart will become like stone... I'm scared I will become unsociable. I dunt want to be.God, I thank you for my senior. She has given me comfort when I am down. You know, God. I am truly very very touched by all the little things, all the words that she uses to cheer me up and make me feel better. I think she knows what I'm going through. God, I thank you that you have given me such a great senior, and I thank you for all that she has done for me, and I pray that you will continue to bless her.God, this was really bothering me for very very long already. But the last straw came today, just now. I found out that I am actually a loser in their eyes. Does it mean that if I suck up to the seniors, not be that crazy as them, being a spoil sport, and not keeping my comments to myself make me a loser? I dunno... But I know that all in all, at the end, I am the victor, the winner. I have all the treasures and precious stones that I can want, and I will be living in paradise. I am your precious daughter... Your daughter. I know, that I am the winner.God, I pray that you will help me to be strong and still love them. I will love my enemies. I will be obedient and love them, God. I pray that I will have the courage to continue with my life, and not be bothered by this too much and become depressed. I will learn to turn the other cheek to them when they slap me.God, I pray that you will bring me through this difficult time of my life. I know that I will still be smiley on the outside, but it will all be fake to them.I really feel like crying now... I need a hug. A big, long hug.God, bless them. Bless my two friends.God, prepare me for another new day where I have to see them again. Give the whole family journey mercies and shield us from any harm or injury throughout tomorrow...In Jesus' name I pray,Amen.
melodycopyrighted
7:38 AM
